Do people violate your boundaries?

But how could they have known if you haven’t  outlined them?

By not being clear on boundaries with people in your life, you are effectively setting others up to fail and you are setting yourself up for upset.

How to Set Boundaries

After you have looked at your core values and have figured out what does and doesn’t work for you, you must set these boundaries and reinforce them.

If someone crosses a boundary the first time, assess whether you were clear with them initially.  If you weren’t then calmly state your case.  Gently.  If they knew of your boundary and crossed it then you need to firmly and calmly tell them that they have crossed the line and that you can not condone it.

If it happens a second time assess if you are getting bogged down in your emotions and then have another conversation expressing your views.  Be clear at this point to tell them that if they cross your boundary again there will be consequences.  Be sure to outline what they will be.

Three strikes they’re out!  OK perhaps not totally but make sure you take action.

As with parenting, you can’t make a rule without following through.  Do not threaten with consequences and not produce.  Non-action causes loss of credibility and invites more inappropriate behaviour.

In some cases, it may be viable to release this person from your life.  If not, then continue to be clear & firm.  If possible avoid getting in a situation again to allow them to try to violate your boundaries.  Or seek assistance if required.

If you missed it – check out the quiz on Empaths.

(Link Below)

The behaviour in the humorous (at least it is really funny if you forget for a moment that this really happens), will not happen with a true Empath.

An Empath FEELS deeply what another feels and often anticipates what they want or need. But never would act in an obtrusive way as shown in this video. An Empath understands Boundaries.

OK – let’s watch this short video.

What are Personal Boundaries?

According to Wikipedia:

“Personal boundaries ae guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.”

Why are Boundaries Important?

Healthy respect for boundaries avoids hurt feelings in all types of relationships. 

Haven’t we all at times felt wronged and sometimes violated when someone has crossed our boundary? We often believe someone should “know” they crossed a boundary even if it was never discussed.

Setting up Boundaries

When you know your boundaries and sense the boundaries of others, or even have discussed them prior to a situation; you create a win/win experience for both parties.

Think back to a time when you felt violated in some small way. Did you say or think…. What the hell were you thinking? You should have known. How could you not know that would hurt me?

Think back to a time when you may have overstepped your bounds and intruded on someone else’s space. How did they react? What did they say?

As mentioned previously a true Empath will almost never cross someone else’s boundaries.

However, they are notorious for letting others cross theirs.

Why you might ask?

Stay tuned for the next post where we will go into detail on setting up your boundaries and how to ‘enforce’ them.

In the meantime, if you missed it – check out the quiz on Empaths.

(Link Below)